20071105 - I’ve been thinking about control (or lack thereof)

When I was working I had a recurring dream where I was driving (too fast) a large vehicle (a van or a bus) on a dangerous road (cliffs on both sides) from the back seat. I would not be able to see the whole road (I was up too high for the front window), I would not be able to reach the brakes (I would be asking the front seat riders to brake), and the steering wheel was very loose and unresponsive. Well, you get the picture - Out Of Control. Do you remember the ad that played during the Super Bowl a few years ago where they were trying to herd cats? That was similar to the kind of job I had. Since I retired I haven’t had the dream… until recently and I am trying to figure out what part of my life is currently out of control. Must be projects, my studio is a mess with all the things I am trying to finish. At least now I am the only one I am trying to (unsuccessfully) control.

I was cuddling Max last night and thinking how sweet and loving he was and how much I wanted to protect him from all things painful. I jokingly tell everyone that Max is of the opinion that all humans were put on this earth to love him. I want him to always believe that. I want him to always see the world as a loving place. I know I cannot really control his world and protect him from all pain but I may be able to do a pretty good job of it . He does not have to grow up and away from my care. Human babies do. And their parents cannot protect them, they can only prepare them, and support them through the hard times. Parents, I salute you! You have a most difficult job - in addition to the most wonderful of times, there are the most awful of times.